Still no major attacks. But I am still afraid to go it completely alone. I still don't drive, but I can ride in the car now without being anxious. I can make it to the end of my street and back to meet my kids during the day without getting nervous. Getting further on my nightly walks but still have yet to make it to the school. Last time I got close I started getting dizzy and my throat went from open to closed in 1 second, and I couldn't swallow. It was like I had to force my rain to function and make myself swallow so I wouldn't panic. By the time I joined up with my husbad and kiddos where they were waiting for me.. I was ok. But since then, it's been a struggle to get that far again.

I'm pretty ok going most places in public now, but I still don't like being left totally alone while being out in public. (ex- I haven't had my husband drop me off anywhere and leave while I shop. but he will sit outside in the car.)

it will get better right? I mean I guess what I'm asking is, if I keep doing what I'm doing, and don't seclude myself and keep pushing a little bit at a time…the anxiety should go away….Right? Like burn itself out or whatever? It just seems like, sometimes, it is never ending. And it won't ever truly be gone. That I won't ever be able to be my old independent self….

I still wonder if I had quit smoking before I herniated my esophagus, if I would still be going thru most of this. I've quit before and I never had panic attacks or any sort of agorophobia tendencies. But herniating my esophagus was such an intense experience. Maybe it uncovered an underlying issue? I have no idea. Just random things I think about sometimes. BUT! I will have been smoke free for 9 months in 4 days! Longest quit ever and I'm sticking to it this time! But it will also mean I have been living with anxiety for 9 months too….

I must remember how far I have come. I must be patient and not so hard on myself. Patience is not really something I have ever been good with though….

Hope everyone is doing well. =)

1 Comment
  1. Classified_Flower 11 years ago

    Congratulations on the smoke free you! Great going! As for anxiety, some recover completely but others have it linger around in small amounts. You need to face anxiety head on. There is no sideways method about it so you going out and doing these small feats is perfect. In the end your goal is to take all power back from anxiety and leave nothing in its field. Bring home all the independence. It will only get better with you actively pushing at the boundaries. (like your husband waiting outside – you will need to kick this habit when you are ready) I strongly believe you can do it! Keep blogging. I had an amazing therapist help me and I feel equipped with some good knowledge, if you have any questions cause you are so new to this then I would be happy to answer!

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