Was just on Facebook… saw that one friend is starting to write a blog online for a local newspaper…a pair of twins that I grew up with have successful careers in Hollywood as actors and were talking about their new show debuting(sp?) on the HIstory Channel …it seems like everyone I know is a "somebody"… all my peers that I grew up with…are all doing things that they are "known" for…good things, things to be proud of….I yearn to be that kind of person…I never have been…well, I guess I thought that maybe I was becoming that kind of person when I started getting involbed in acting in community theatre productions about 10 years ago…but that apparently "did not take" as far as feeling like a "somebody" is concerned…maybe it did at the time for each performance that I was involved in over the past decade… but it obviously didn't stay with me….Damn it, I'm so tired of feeling so depressed and hopeless about this kind of thing…I don't want to be known all my life as nothing more than that relatively nice-guy who underachieved and never found his way...It makes me miserable to think that's what I will always be…I want so bad to be a "SOMEBODY"… So tired of being a perpetual NOBODY… I know, this all sounds stange, referring to it all as being a "somebody" and what not….But…I always feel like there is some kind of "untapped potential" lurking somewhere inside of me that I just haven't been able to find….and it's saddened and frustrated me for so long to always have that nagging feeling inside of me…I don't know, maybe it's just my imagination, that I'm meant to be a "somebody"…maybe I'm delusional…but…until I know for sure, I'll keep assuming I'm not imagining things and not being delusional…I should really get off Facebook, for oh so many resons, but not the least of which is because of this…if it's going to depress me and fill me with anxiety everytime I see how successful my friends are on there…then I don't belong on there….at least until I become a Somebody…I don't know what exactly the following lyrics have to do what I have just written here…but for some reason, they are going though my head right now and for whatever reason feel appropriate….

"I never knew what a man was supposed to be

I never wanted the responsibility

I still remember what they tried to make of me

They used to wonder why they couldn't get through to me

…sometimes I wonder where my life is taking me

sometimes I wonder what they all expect of me

c'est la bon, sailing on and on

c'est la bon, sailing on and on…."–Supertramp/Roger Hodgson

1 Comment
  1. annmarie2576 10 years ago

     You are a SOMEBODY!!!  Just because some of your friends have success doesnt mean they have happiness.  Try not to worry about what your friends have, just worry about you and making yourself happy.  I know how you feel because I feel the same way sometimes.. Dam facebook makes me feel so incomplete. But what we see on facebook isnt real, just a show to trick us and themselves….I hope anyway :/   Idk just a thought I could be wrong what do I know lol

     

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