Hi all

Well here I am again at what feels like the beginning not with sobriety although it is somewhat of a full circle with only three weeks sobriety having gone back out after two continuous years of at least being dry.

I explained recently about how my boyfriend is also a recovering drug addict and alcoholic but is continuing to smoke dope. I spoke to him about it and he is now willing not to smoke around my house and our baby Jack. But the problem is that he is currently living a few miles away with his uncle after we had a huge bust up and social services have basically banned him from staying with me because we were both still drinking then and it was dangerous for our son. That is fair enough as I think we both need space to work on our own sobriety and figure out what we want. He does not seem to agree with this and is in effect punishing me for the fact that he is not staying here by making it seem like a huge effort to come and see me and his son. I cannot go over there because I wrecked my car and there are no buses to where he lives ( i live in a very rural area). It just seems like I am begging him to come over and stay with us for a while. Why should I do this? Surely if he loves me and Jack then he would willingly want to be here. My mum and dad are staying until after new year so things are  not the same but they have been good at giving us space. Yet he comes over for a couple of hours then wants to leave. It is making me angry and pushing me towards the decision I know I will have to make to split with him. I would never stop him seeing my son but  I cannot afford to get this angry and disappointed every day. I deserve someone who will love me in a good, healthy way.

I do still love him but maybe that is not enough anymore. I suppose I just wanted to rant a bit. Sorry for being so moany at least I am starting to learn to detach from him and his shit. It is very difficult for me to do that because it is a completely new behaviour for me but I am trying my best.

love to all

Fionan