so I've worked up to my 7th step. the last month or so has been an interesting tour of my character defects. I'm not feeling ready just yet to move on to step 8 and in the past two weeks I've noticed cravings and a few more minor slips or slides than usual. I've been feeling kind of blah in my program. I'm going to fewer meetings and the literature just isn't doing it for me the way it used to. I listened to some online speakers and read some literature tonight. I slowly came to the realization that what is missing is fellowship. I go to meetings but I leave pretty quickly and when I do talk to people I am only considering where I am at in my program and how what they are saying relates to me. I was able to understand how self centered I truly have been. And I am actually not beating myself up over it. I can see that in my mental state I couldnt' see anything past my own problems. I made outreach calls tonight – NOT FOR MYSELF BUT TO HELP OTHERS. It was so great. It allowed me to truly listen because I wasn't focused on how I fit in. I just wanted to listen and help if I could. I kept saying in my head – give me guidance. Help me say what will help this person. I ended up getting a sponsee out of the conversation. I have not been giving away what I have. I really feel energized and excited to look back to the first steps and think about how I can help this new person. anyhow, I am so grateful for the clarity my HP has given me to show me how truly self centered I have been. I continue to pray for removal of this and so many other character defects. I'll keep coming back…..

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