Another problem….

This story with my dad is very complicated….He left my mum when I was 2yrs old…then married someone else and had another kid. Since then….things have been so different. Not that I can remember much because he wasn't around long enough to get memories me as a child. This hurts….I feel like my dad hates me and wishes I wasn't born.

Basically, My dad was having an affair with Sherry who is now my step- mum….My mum I think knew about it but didn't want to admit it….anyway My mum ended up getting pregnant with me. 

So I keep thinking that why the fuck did he even sleep with her if he was having an affair?

and I keep thinking that this must have caused a lot of problems for him as he had to stick with my mum…well he only stuck around for the first 2 years…then up and left!

I havent realy had a good relationship with my dad…mainly due to the fact that I have always been angry at him for treating a wonderful person like my mum so badly and for walking out on 3 children.  I wish I could have a father daughter relationship with him, but we won't. Don't get me wrong I do really love him as he is my dad but I'm still hurt by the way me and my 2 siblings get treated because he has a new family. He never visits or calls! My mum calls us every day and visits us as often as she can. 

And I feel my dad has some sort of anger towards me because he didnt really want me….Im guessing he was disappointed when my mum told him she was pregnant with me…..I had a great upbringing…my mum is amazing and she did it all by herself, But I guess I'm jealous in a way, because I miss the father daughter thing. Yeah i have my stepdad but he only came into my life when i was 14 …by then it was too late. Oh well! shit happens I guess. 

I just know that one day….something will happen to him…and it will be a regret I have not having a relationship with him!

I love him….sometimes I need him!