So the good news is that I haven't lost my job. I finally worked up the courage to casually approach my boss with the question, "so umm, once all these new people start, what is it that you see me doing here?" and he let me know that there will be plenty of work for me to do from now until the end of August and there will be plenty more after that…made it sound like he wants me for at least the next year. Granted, it's still work that I am not passionate about. But at least it's work, and I can relax a little and take my time in trying to find something else.

The bad news is, that my boyfriend has left. He's moved. Agggh, I know it's the military, so it's not yet another case of abandonment. But it doesn't help how I feel. Alone again. Without someone who understands me and gets me and still despite all that wants to be with me. Fortunately, I will see him again this week as he comes back to drop off his younger brother at the military Academy in town. We haven't as of yet decided whether to be long-distance. I think no, because I need someone here, I am too lonely to make it without someone near me HERE…but at the same time, losing him doesn't sound fun either. *sigh* I knew I'd get myself into a sticky situation like this, but it seemed inevitable.

And now, I am back to being alone. Watching movies along, going out to dinner alone. Blah. And I am SO tired of pat Christian answers "just read your Bible and pray, Jesus is all you need!" Yeah right. It doesn't work. Trust me, I tried that all my life. I have done this all my life, this walking life alone, and I can't do it anymore.

But seeing as how it took me almost 27 years to find even one guy interested in me, I doubt I will find another to replace my boyfriend if I don't stay with him long distance. But how could that ever work? I've already resesarched flights and they're way too expensive.

And why is it, that lately life has just been about a series of days and events to get through, a course of moving from one job to the next. It feels so pointless, so meaningless, so tiring, so boring. I can't do it.

1 Comment
  1. hopelessdreamer81 12 years ago

    Thanks Sharon, that makes alot of sense…I'd heard the same thing lots of times from my parents but the modeling example really but things into perspective for me…

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