Today I fell into the bdd, and just started obsessing and now and its such a dangerous web.
When I went to the ocd meeting a few weeks ago a lady in the group said most people have a hard time accepting compliments in general. I am not sure if this really true. I do, but than it makes me think of the times people have said positive things about my apperance, and maybe its not true, if people have a hard time accepting them. I guess one doesn\\\\'t have to do with the other.
I just keep going over what that lady said to me, about being thin a little over a week ago. In my mind I keep trying to recreate the situation, and in order she said things. Like if things I thought were positive where said first, or things I thought were negative said first. The bottom line is it should not matter, and the situation should be dimssed. I am jsut having a hard time not ruminating about it.
Also my father was the one that was always critical about my apperance, to the point of absurdness. I am happy with my weight and how I look, and even though I do not see my father, I know he would not be happy about my weight. He would rip me apart. I think most peoples comments about my apperance should be taken with a grain of salt and for the most part no one is really being mean spirited. Its really me mistaking these other people as my father.
I am 150, 5'10" and athletic. I just remember years ago I was 10 poundS heavier, and my father told me I should be hopsitalized. I never got my father, and probably never will. He is one screwed up guy.
Thanks for letting me vent