Today I fell into the bdd, and just started obsessing and now and its such a dangerous web.

 

When I went to the ocd meeting a few weeks ago a lady in the group said most people have a hard time accepting compliments in general. I am not sure if this really true. I do, but than it makes me think of the times people have said positive things about my apperance, and maybe its not true, if people have a hard time accepting them. I guess one doesn\\\\'t have to do with the other.

I just keep going over what that lady said to me, about being thin a little over a week ago. In my mind I keep trying to recreate the situation, and in order she said things. Like if things I thought were positive where said first, or things I thought were negative said first. The bottom line is it should not matter, and the situation should be dimssed. I am jsut having a hard time not ruminating about it.

Also my father was the one that was always critical about my apperance, to the point of absurdness. I am happy with my weight and how I look, and even though I do not see my father, I know he would not be happy about my weight. He would rip me apart. I think most peoples comments about my apperance should be taken with a grain of salt and for the most part no one is really being mean spirited. Its really me mistaking these other people as my father.

I am 150, 5'10" and athletic. I just remember years ago I was 10 poundS heavier, and my father told me I should be hopsitalized. I never got my father, and probably never will. He is one screwed up guy.

Thanks for letting me vent

Justin

2 Comments
  1. Littlemiss 13 years ago

    HI

    Isn\’t it strange that little things stick in our heads? Parents can sometimes be so cruel. Recnetly my mum commented on my hair and I found it to be very hurtful, I seem to dwell on things to. Perhaps if people worried about their own apparence then they wouldn\’t have time to critise us.

    Heather x

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  2. operabruin 13 years ago

    Hi, Justin:

    Yeah, our parents can be pretty damned cruel and unthinking, that\’s for sure.

    I\’ve lots and lots of first hand experience with that, also. Mine came not from my dad, but from my mother….sometime I will get into it, but it is long, complicated, etc., and so I will skip over it. My dad was like a saint…but she was like satan incarnate….

    It seems that they sometimes feel that they should "be living our lives for us", or "reliving their lives through us" or something like that….my mother raised my brother and I strictly with the intention that we would be "there to take care of her"…not as it should be, to raise us to be able to function, and go out into the world and live our lives and be able to "take care of ourselves responsibly"…etc.

    I realize how deeply hurtful, and affecting, all this drek is (isn\’t it sad that they do not have any idea what they do?), but try and just let comments, etc., just flow right over you and off!

    YOU, Justin, yourself, know that you\’re ok, that all is right with your appearance, weight, etc., and just let that self-affirmation keep you comfortable and satisfied with the way you are. Live your life yourself, and just try and let all the outside stuff that is truly unimportant remain just that…unimportant…as I said, try and just let it run off…

    ~G

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