As of April, my childhood home is up for sale.

While many people move many time, and aren't very attached to any one house. However, for me it was the only house I knew as "home". Even now, when I've lived a whole five years away from there, the house I"m in now, still doesn't feel like "home" I don't find that peace that I get from my real home. Things are very different, even though it doesn't seem that way. The birdsong I hear isn't the same, the traffic noise (while understandably louder) is different, neighbors are within spitting distance… It jsut doesn't feel like home.

I guess what I fear is losing that place in general without having a replacement. I used to be able to go there on visits to my parents and… everything there was… the same. I knew every creak in every floorboard and stair… I knew where every tree was (and there were a lot), what birds were chirping, and every sound the structure or person every makes there. That place always felt like a safe zone. A 'home base' where, when life gets tough, I can take a little comfort in some things being 100% within my knoledge.

If I could afford to buy it, I would. But I cannot. In this economy, even as a college graduate I can't seem to find a job that pays me above the poverty line (even a "full time" job). Nor am I healthy enough for such maitenance of yard work, snow clearing and other necessities that a place like that would need.

Where I live right now, there are families who have had the same home in the family for generations. Since it was built, even. Many of them ar shocked that my parents didn't just stay living there and will it to one of us kids once they're gone. But I can understand. My parents wanted to retire and live elswhere. The sale of that house will pay for finishing the house they're currently living in. The old house was an investment, and though the ecnomy is poor for selling a house right now, they depend on that money.

But, it is sad that I won't be able to go back there. A place I've known inside and out for 25 years. Even has my (and my two brothers) name written in the cement steps outside. (Though hard to read after so many years).

I don't know, I jsut know I'm going to miss the place very much. 🙁