I'm guessing I have a new anxiety or another worry in my life. Well since I've been on the party bus I've been meeting new people, hanging out with friends, and I especially met a girl. Me and this girl and my friend and his girl have all hung out a lot. I've enjoyed it. It has taken to me to places I have always thought about in my mind. I always felt alone in my life. I had friends but it's never been this close that we hang out all the time do a lot of different activities. I especially like hanging out with my friend and those 2 girls. Well anyways I'm worried (fearful) that this could end at a blink of an eye. I might not end up being this girl's boyfriend and I don't hangout like we are now. I like the togetherness I have been experiencing. I usually tend to screw these things up some how. I have lost a lot of people, it could have been they lost interest in me, or some other reason but I do tend to screw it up. I lost this one person because she just wanted to be friends and I wanted to be more than friends. So when she got a new boy friend, I freaked out and just blew up her phone with a bunch of text messages. I was really mad and by the end of it I told her I didn't want to hear from her again. It wasn't true. I haven't heard from her since. I wish I had never said anything. I really wish she had never seen that side of me. I remember just being really sad after that for many months. I actually blamed my cousin for a while, they knew eachother, and we didn't even talk for a year. I think about her everyday because I always think about the things I should have done differently. I wish I could apologize. I already apologized to my cousin, she forgave me and we have a better relationship. So it brings me to today. I just don't want to think so far ahead. I don't want to have expectations because that would just lead to dissapointments. Thats what happened to the last girl I liked and looked where it got me. I remember just a few weeks ago or a month ago I was praying to God to help me have a better relationship with my friends, help me get a job and help me find a nice girl. God has helped me with my relationship with my friends and has helped me find a nice girl. I'm still waiting to find a job. I've tried and tried and still nothing but I know someday someone will give me the oppotunity to work for them. I'm just hoping that this will last. I've always wanted to have close friends and now that I do and it's starting to feel real I don't want it taken from me. I will keep the faith, believe in God and hope this will last and I will continue being happy. God Bless.


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