So July of 2020 after a 5 day stay in a mental facility I decided enough was enough and I needed out of a toxic abusive relationship so my very close friends purchased me a plane ticket back home to Louisiana. My hopes were that I would be able to get a fresh start unfortunately Louisiana doesn’t have the best resources for men trying to start over their lives. By December of 2021, I had run out of options, patience, and places to stay so I had to figure something out. I started making phone calls to any and every place I could think of to try and find help. Finally, I started contacting places out of state and that’s how I ended up in Seattle Wa. I spoke with a lady here in Seattle on a Thursday and the following Wednesday I was on a plane with what little I have headed to the other side of the country. Had I ever been to Seattle? (no) did I know anyone in Seattle? (also no) So now it’s been three months living in a homeless shelter and I’m starting to become numb. Let me start with while it’s been three months just a few days ago I spoke with my case manager and I have been approved for housing(which is amazing) and I’ll be moving in a couple of weeks. But the issue I’m having at the moment is my anxiety, depression, and PTSD is really acting up. In these three months, I’ve been able to find an HIV doctor, a primary care doctor, get my Washington ID, get an apartment and I’m so excited about all those things but I’m still waiting on my appointment with a therapist. Growing up black and gay in the south was definitely the root of my anxiety and depression, but in 2008 I was sexually assaulted which resulted in me contracting HIV surprise hello PTSD. Now the only way I’m semi able to function is due to the meds but the issue I’m having is my love language is physical touch and communication, but living in a homeless shelter in a city/state where I no absolutely no one I really fill like I’m going out of my mind. I desperately need to get in with my therapist because I think I may need to adjust or change my meds. Not sure if it’s the anxiety, depression, PTSD, or a combination of all but I don’t cry anymore. I haven’t cried for about a year now. It’s like I can feel the emotions boil up but then nothing happens. Ok, i guess that’s all for now I’m starting to get sad again.