No one understands how this feels. I'm called rude by my family-I'm constantly made to feel like shit because I can't hug them or be near them because my little sister can't hug me without me running away. I'm like a monster but everyone terrifies me. My older sister chased me round the house today as a joke to try and hug me (because my family think it's a joke that I don't like to be near the) then she pinned me down on the couch and kissed me head and ran away and I haven't stopped crying since. I'm sick of being powerless and I'm sick of being forced. I was raped last year and this is the first time I've actually admitted it to myself or to anyone. I was raped. Raped raped raped- I've tried to pretend it didn't happen but I'm not normal anymore. All that I want is to be the old me, I used to be happy and popiular now I actually feel dead inside like I don't feel anything but scaredness. I don't like to go out of my house and I don't like to be near people because they honestly terrify me but sometimes I just need a hug. It doesn't make sense I don't make sense. When I walk down a street I assess the people I see. Can I outrun them? Are they strong enough to pin me down? I actually live in constant fear. I think of nothing else but how scared I am. My teachers, strangers even my family I just can't be near. I wish I could be fixed. It hurts so much like my heart actually hurts because I'm so sad. I have no friends because I don't go out anymore and I just have run out of hope. What is the point. How can this one man have completely destroyed my life and he gets to live his, like I may as well be dead the way I feel if rather be dead. I'm in my most important year at school doing my Alevels but how can I concentrate which the constant paranoia the constant flashbacks. It's not getting any better and I don't know why.
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First post
eefahstar, , Depression, Anxiety, Career, Schizophrenia, Self Help, Sleep Disorders, 1
I joined this site after traulling through self help hits on google. I feel stupid for needing to look...
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Negative Automatic Thoughts
Tribevibes, , Anxiety, Depression, Anxiety, 0
Hi. I just wanted to share my experience, to see if anyone else has experienced something similar. For about...
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I have been so distant lately..
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i push everything around me away. because no one understands what i deal with inside of my head…and im...
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Simply Floored! (Warning: Rant)
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What kind of person can be so blind that they can't see how their actions are hurting others? Is...
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Just a quick update. I'm still here, still struggling on. I still haven't come to terms with recent events....
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Just when you think it couldn't get any worse
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So, I go to put up the Christmas lights on our house. Great big tall peaks, long runs, all...
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Obliterating the Darkness
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Some say that the scars stay with you forever. That they never heal. They just stay there on your...
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Journal 2
EyeMInsane, , Depression, Anxiety, Obesity, Parenting, Relationships, 0
Today wasnt exactly what I would call *a good day*. In fact, it was down right difficult. At the...