Hi , my name is Mick Gillen. Im 21 years old and have been struggling with OCD and depression since i was about 13 ,maybe sooner but i cant remember honestly. I have a weird type of OCD in my opinion but i feel it stems from my childhood. I was picked on a lot until about 8th grade because ive always been a smaller guy. That changed when 8th grade came. S uddenly I was popular and girls liked me which lead to a 7 year road of deaths in my family, friends lost andgained, and drugs and jails terms. Ive been clean now from mdma and marijuana for a year and a half and have put on weight and definitley cleaned up my act. I recently went through avery big move to another state .Where i am now isolated and finding myself starting over.This is when i realized the OCD that ive been dealing with my whole life ,which now and again involves a day or two of depression. I have a higly destructive outlook on myself and find myself in the mirror alot. Im not in there to check myself out im in there picking flaws and defeating my self esteem. I dont mean to do it but its like my brain tells me look in the mirror and dont like what you see. This has really affected me through life. No one knows about it , they think im concieted because id rather play it off that way than say the truth because i feel weird about it. I really want it to stop but its a day to day battle with feeling comfortable in a skin that other people see as a blessing. which makes me feeling even more weird. I started this blog as a way to hopefully beat this disease or way of thinking i have somehow come to inherit through life experiences. So im going to track my day to day schedule and experiences and hopefully it will turn around for the best.