written 02-23-2008 @2:30 am
I Amy was raped the week before thanksgiving in the year of 2005, by my now Ex Boyfriend that night changed my lige forever! At that time in my life i was so happy and then that night , I still cant and dont think i will ever really know what all happened but it made my life spin out of control. I never turned him in bc i was so scared he would do it again and now i feel if i were to report it the cops would laugh at me because there is no physical proof anymore. Shortly after this night i sadly found a whole new world in cutting, it releaved me for short period sof time from the pain but it always came back. People dont see that cutting happends way more than they know or will believe . with me it started out on my right wrist with a sewing pin and moved onto a safety pin.as i got more and more into it i found new and different ways to doing it. Soon after I started with my wrist and as i got more and more scars, not wanting anyone to find these scars i started cutting (well i tried too) my upper leg though it never worked how i wanted it to. so i started on my right ankle the first thing i did was slice the word alone in it and to me at the time thats how i felt but i thought to myself noone can find out about this so i thought of somewhere where will no one ever see and i mean NO ONE see ever againn immediatly i thought of my stomache and by this time i had started using exacto blades i used that for about a year to me it was the greatest thing in the world at the time … but then my aunt died her and i were really close i was crushed that night was the last night i cut it was just over a year ago now i had to stop for her i still have the many scars on my stomache and still some on my ankle and wrist but thay are just reminders of those days. i feell that the worl still needs to learn more about cutting so they can better treat it. i peronally have tlake dot mant people throughout the last few years have or still do cut some if not all have had some part in helping me stop. im not going to go to much into it but ive had problems with doctors and them all because they were not educated about cutters i went to a psycologist she was like soo you cut and i was like sure… so i asked her what do you know about cutting? she told me nothing, after that session i wouldnt tlak about it anymore a couple weeks or so later i stopped going to her so i think people should at least know something about it… Finally, after 3 and 1/2 years i have an amazing BF for almost 7 months now he respects me for who i am he is there for me even the nights that i do struggle still sometimes with the idea of cutting hes let me talk to him all about it. I Love him and i hope he sees that in that i have the greatest trust in him out of anyone i have ever known!
~Amy~ last cut Febuary 10, 2007