Good morning everyone,
Well, I have always had generalized anxiety and have always experienced the physical and emotional symptoms. I thought I knew what a panic attack was…until last night! I got a phone from my neighbor and best friend in the world and was asked to come over as she needed me. On my way over, I saw that she was sitting outside on her deck and noticed that her hand and wrist were covered in what appeared to be a cast. I proceeded to go up the deck stairs and then I saw her! OMG, I couldn't believe what faced me. I thought she was in a car accident, her face looked completely different, swollen and red, and what appeared to be bruises. I then noticed that she had an iv in her arm. I asked her what happened and she told me she had developed cellulitis on her nose. Well, as soon as she told me that, I almost fainted, I started sweating profusely, my heart was beating a mile a minute, I had to put my head between my legs and breath, my head became so light I thought for absolutely sure I would pass out. I had to leave and go home for a minute to regroup. Here I am being selfish…having a panic attack when she needed me…good friend I turned out to be!!! I went home, got sick, my partner asked me what was wrong as I was pale as could be. My hair was soaked and so was my shirt. I layed in front the fan for a minute and took a clonazapam, a drink of water and headed back over. This is the second close friend I have that developed cellulitis. My other friend was hospitalized for weeks and almost lost her arm.
Once I calmed down we were able to discuss what had happened and she proceeded to tell me what had happened. Throughout this whole discussion, I wanted to run away and just hide but I couldn't do that to her. She told me about the excruiciating pain she was in and I couldn't help but cry for her. I ended up staying with her for a couple of hours before going home. She couldn't thank me enough for being there and she told me she felt much better after our visit. She said I was a great distraction. I am happy I was able to make her laugh and put a smile on her face.
Once I got home I tried to think about why I had that reaction…well I know why…I have this terrible phobia of seeing people or animals in pain. I can't handle it. I hate to see any kind of suffering, it actually makes me physically sick. So…I learned something about myself last night which can be a good thing but I wish I would not have reacted the way I did. I was telling a coworker here about it this morning and again, I felt a huge wave a nausea take over me.
Has anyone ever felt this way? I feel as though I let her down last night…after everything she has done for me and everything we have been through…
Thank you for listening…any advice is welcome. Thank you for reading. Take care.