This picture is just one more example. why I feel like am just going to have to take my own life someday. And not just keep looking at the bottle of pills. I just can’t keep living like this. Am getting too old for this.
And one more goddamned cold winter night…that I was out, and saw others out. Happy couples that get to go home with each other on a cold winter night. And I have to go home alone to this…this pic which shows how I am barely functioning. And I want to ask wtf, why the hell do I have to be alone? I’m a good person, aren’t I? Okay, not perfect, but certainly there are people that are a lot worse than me, right? But I’m the one that always has to be alone in this fucking world right?
And than again…some of it might just be that I can’t even afford to go one goddamned day without taking my goddamned Venlafixine like I didn’t do today. Oh I guess I will just repeat the whole goddamned thing now so that I reach 300 words. No wait, I actually have something more to add.
I’m about to tell a woman who has been very helpful and supportive with listening to my struggles that I am in love with her, thereby destroying my friend ship with her and further fucking up my life. Because that’s what I do–I fuck things up. I always have. I was placed in this world by accident. There is no bigger mistake on this planet rright now than me. 46, 30 lbs overweight, haven’t had sex in over 10 years, a lifelong failure in rrrelationships and virtually everything else, athletics, you name it, I failed at it. Thank you for listening. I love you all and am always hoping and praying for the best for you.