So I stood outside tonight and just stared at the stars. I marveled at their beauty and the fact that they never seem to end. My thoughts wandered to my own appearance, and how I see myself.
You see I have always had trouble with my appearance, and honestly most days I don’t even see myself as beautiful. I have a problem with comparing myself to other females. and that makes it very difficult to even like how I look.
Most of the time I wear overly baggy clothes and jeans just to hide myself, wearing anything other than jeans and a t shirt is unlike me and a struggle mentally when I do. Before I had kids I didn’t have such a hard time with what I wore, but since having my children “which I don’t regret at all, they are my world” I don’t even like looking at myself in the mirror.
I can’t help but wonder what if I didn’t have the stretch marks, what if I didn’t have the extra weight, what if this, what if that………. the list goes on with the what ifs.
I wish I could be like the stars, be bright and beautiful, and untouchable. Not able to be let down or disappointed.