I left my fiance’ this morning asleep in our bed and all I can think about is his sweet face.  It feels wonderful when I see his eyes closed and know he is asleep.  At this point I can allow myself to sleep as well. 

Last night, he said he was better, so we went to meet two of my dear friends.  It was his first time meeting them.  I was excited, but on the way there I realized he just wanted me to believe everything was okay when he said he was fine before.  He is not okay.

He keeps asking me what he should tell the doctor on Monday and all I told him the last time was, "Sweetheart, today is Friday.  Let’s get through today.  When it becomes Sunday night- then we will talk about your appointment on Monday."  I don’t care if I have to go with him and tell the doctor myself what is truly going on.  I will do it.  He can’t go in there and pretend like things are okay and better when they are far far far worse. 

I hope that he is okay.  I can’t wait for him to get better.  I really really miss his smile.  It’s the thing I miss most.  His smile, laughter, and his humor… such beautiful aspects of his personality.

His parents are supposed to go by and visit him today.  I need to tell them because I feel like he will not tell them himself, but I am scared he will be angry with me for it .  They need to know.  They keep asking us what is going on and he wants me to be hush hush about it, but I know better.  At this point I honestly believe he needs serious help.  I’m scared and I feel very very very alone. 

Untill next time….