I felt werid today.  Like I just wasn't myself…  Oh anyway, I can remever doing things.  And I kept asking myself why are you doing that???  STOP IT!  I was well aware of what I was doing I just couldn't stop.  No matter how hard I tried.  i was acting up and I knew I was…  But it felt ok I guess even though I was annoying myself.  Atleast I made Ricky and Robin laugh.  😀

My rituals were low.  I'm thinking maybe I should just give in to them and all this feeling crazy will go away and just accept I have to do them and that sucks.  Alot…  So yeah, it's either rituals and feel like hell, or feeling crazy and hell…  I think I'm going to go with the feeling crazy as the worse one of the two…  So maybe I should just give in… 

Derick called…  Cirena answered the phone.  I've been wanting to call and ask how his dad is doing but i dn't want to talk to him.  I'm still angry I caught him looking into our window.  So Cirena answered it and asked him.  I guess their conversation went something like this.

Rochelle is in the shower.  (Great he is probley picturing me naked…  Thats what I thought…  When I heard her tell him I was in the shower.  Which I was on my way so she didn't lie.  🙂   )  Then she asked him how his dad was doing.  He said good.  Then he says "Oh I see youjust answerd the phone to see how my dad was doing, you don't care about me."  How selfish of him…  And that is another reason why I don't want to talk to him.  I am tring so hard to keep the negitive things out of my life.  Which I know I am going to come across some, because I can not avoid all of them.  Even though I wish I could…  But it puts me in a mood and I find myself easly influenced soemtimes.  I mean I can control it for the most part.  But I have my days were I feel hectic and I just do them for some reason and always feel bad afterwards…  It's crazy.  It drives me crazy!


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