Hey, just so people know im a 23 year old female, currently nearly 7 months pregnant. I have suffered in the past with depression and it got better and all was good and now i am suffering with post natal depression.
yesterday i decided to write all my feelings down on a different site and then update today with what my midwife has said so im just going to copy and paste for now as its also lunch and i have to eat before work.
I think I'm ready
for this pregnancy to be over.
I hate to say it i do but i dont know if i can cope anymore.
The sleepless nights before little one is here,
Feeling sick a fair bit.
My emotions being everywhere.
This is really stupid but i hate my tummy moving by itself, it grosses me out.
The fact that I feel like I'm a bad mother before baby even gets here.
The fear I will end up like my parents. They couldn't give a sh*t about us kids. (I know I'm 23 but thats not the point).
I'm sick of the nightmares, sleepless nights and being tired all the time.
Now I've ranted I'm gonna go find a dark hole and go cry
*that was yesterday, the next is todays*
start with the good stuff,
I'm measuring 32cm which is good as im 31 weeks on thursday! (2days time) blood pressure all good!
And then the bad stuff,
I dont know who read my feeling yesterday, but i wrote them all down and showed them to the midwife coz i was sitting there trying desperately not to burst into tears and she asked to take my bp and i just burst out crying and told her everything and showed her the list. She was so helpful and she is my actual midwife, the one i should have meet 6months ago when my one left! 
but anyways, we have a soloution for everything i think.
We are going to:
1: Reinstate counciling for the depression
2: Refer me to someone about parenting skills coz i have no idea at all
3: Refer me to a physio for all the back pain
4: Get the Health Visitor to see me before baby is born instead of just after.
5: Have a consulatant appointment to make sure it's safe to go full term.
6: And finally see the gp to get me some anti depressiants and maybe get signed off work, i think thats something thats doing my head in at the mo.
So thats the plan of action and hopefully things will start to look up.
Thats all for now.
I have to say that you are already a wonderful Mommy! If you weren't, you wouldn't be busting your butt trying to be healthy. I hated being pg too. I felt sick all the time, felt huge…loved the attention, but was so tired and moody. Then i had my daughter Oct of 04. I went down hill mentally. I felt I didn't love my baby or hb. Left them both, because I didn't want them to suffer through my ups and downs. The rage and anger I felt from guilt. Now after Much therapy, I have my Lovey fulltime and her daddy and I get along very well. I pray she is stable as her father is, when her hormones change as she grows. He is very mentally stable. I on the ther hand have been known to fall apart by a word or look or just opening my eyes in the morning. Anyway, this is not about me. I just wasn't as prepared for Post partum to be so difficult on me. I think that if you suffer anything it will be happiness……..because you will have a wonderful healthy baby, that has a hard working wonderful Mommy. I would say take care of yourself, but you are. There is nothing wrong with crying. It can relieve so much of what is inside.
Hi! I have read your blog and it's nice to know you are getting help from right people. I am mother of two, and also had a mid wife. I can't even tell you, how long I had depression, but I got it probably in between pregnancy. Don't worry so much, at least you know you have a problem, and you are trying to fix it. You are a wonderful mother already. Good luck to you and congratulation! Just one more…..Just from my experience, I don't know if your mid wife would be present when you go into labor. Don't let the doctors break your water until you are 10cm. You will have less pain. That was my mid-wife's advice, and she was right. Hope you and your new baby have a wonderful life. bye.