Its hard living with severe anxiety along with slight depression. Its even harder when the people around just do not get it. They dont understand why you question everything, why one little word can set you into a spiral. They dont realize you arent exaggerating when you tell them how cried uncontrollably while lying on the bathroom floor. They just dont get how bad it affects you when they dont show the affection or give the attention you so desperately need. It makes the loneliness that much worse. I can’t control these feelings. I want to but I have yet to figure out how. I am not doing this for attention, if I were I would tell everyone about it. Only a very select couple even know. I trusted these people and let them into my inner most thoughts and fears and they dont understand. I am not even sure they believe me. I wish they could switch places with me for a while so they could experience it for themselves. That is the only way they will even actually fully get what its like inside my head. My constant fear of rejection, constant thoughts of being unwanted, unloved, unimportant. Inside my head is just pure hell. I am in a constant battle with myself. One little thing going wrong or not the way I thought it would can completely set me off into a spiral. I feel like I am going to come out of my skin, I can’t sit still, 100 different thoughts go thru my head, none of which are helpful or really good at all. I imagine worst case scenerios. I picture myself dying alone where no one cares that I am gone or misses me. No one comes to my funeral and very few even realize I am no longer around. My presence doesn’t really mean anything. I am just space here. How do I break out of this hell.

2 Comments
  1. bellasoprano 3 years ago

    I’m living in the same hell. When I’m at work it seems that no matter how much I do or how hard I try, it’s not good enough. The rest of the staff are treated like pals whereas I’m the one working late, killing myself for what it seems like for nothing. Finding another job isn’t the answer because eventually the feelings will start happening all over again. Most people don’t understand and find it funny. My daughter is off to college this fall but little does she know that I have no idea on how I’m supposed to pay for it. Just coming out and telling her will leave her hating me so I’m doing what I can to make it happen. Right now I’m tired from only sleeping 3 hours a night and just physically drained.

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  2. quiet1 3 years ago

    I understand exactly how you feel as I too am going through anxiety and depression. I may not be able to solve your problem but I am a good listener and will be here if you want to reach out.

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