20 years ago I was a private school girl in a wealthy suburb, I was 17 years old.
My actions of that year have stayed with me to this day.
I didn’t feel good enough. I chose to take heroin, I met a boy that made me feel like I was wanted. I found my escape, but soon I wasn’t good enough for my boy and he found a permanent escape.
I had just turned 18 and my family didn’t know what to do with me so they sent me away. They sent me to Rome, Italy. It was great to escape what I had been through. Soon I found booze and had no control over it. Again I became a problem and wasn’t good enough to be where I was. So then I left, I was sent to Ireland.
I was out of control drinking in bars, again finding an escape, I blacked out nightly and would drink away my shame. I moved town to town until Ireland was too small. I was so out of control again so I took off to Greece.
I lived on nothing and slept in a tent. I begun to dry out and had time to think. I ended up in an Athens park, knew I didn’t belong there and contacted my mother who wired me money to fly home.
Again, I continued to move around Australia on my own, moving to escape my problems.
Im still drinking every night, I’m ready for my escape from escaping. i have been intoxicated every night but im functioning in the day and have a career.
What’s the opposite to escape.. Confinement. Im confined to my house but reflecting on the past 20 years is incredibly painful.
I cant be in a relationship, I don’t feel normal, im not sure if I can love.. I still feel like that 17 year old girl..
Theres no real escape, I need to escape the escape.
20 years on.., it feels like just the other day the curse took me away.