They always say that life and emotions are like a rollercoaster. You think about it after a while well it wont be that bad, right? You always see the people coming off the ride with smiles on their face talking about how they had the experience of a life time right.. or they come off completely scared and terrified.

My feeling today are at a low. I’m not sure who you suppose to ask about what to expect from life. We are all somehow mentally prepared that there are going to be challenges. I’m surrounded by people who are important to me.. why do they never reach out and hug me.. its probably because im that person for them.

Look all i know is im feeling so alone or lonely. Like I wanna hug someone who really care about me.. I keep telling myself your strong theses feelings will pass, this moment wont last forever.Im the only person who is telling myself keep going, dont share to much personal feeling with anyone who isn’t interested in your well being. Don’t post on Social media about how you are feeling dont let the world see you like that. I find myself crying a-lot lately, I hate it so much.

Im wanting to grow, I want to be strong, I want to be independent but Its the fact that Im more alone then ever. I dont want to be tied to someone and think that a person is suppose to fill up this damn hole i have in me. I dont want it, that stupid thing every cries over… LOVE.

Or at least I dont want it to be fake, or forced. im not wanting to be around anyone who might show interest in me because Im available. Just because im here alone they want to swoop in. I dont want it.. I want to held..cared about… believed in.

My heart is crying but my face is so freaking dry rn.. what is happening to me..