the lack of a social support system can make mental problems worse. Hell yeah. we all know that. But what do you do when you have no social support system that really gives a damn if you are dead or alive. What if you don't evn care if youre dead or alive.. Every time I meet someone….it turns out to be a waste of my precious little time.it's all about gettin conned, manipulated, lied to and dumped like you were one worthless piece of trash…trash that should be immediately set onfire until only ashes flutter freely away. 

so how do you create a social support network? should I join a quilting group, or should I just focus on death and count down the days. Since i dont have this social support network, however i feel freer to privately be who i want in the "alone with myself" hours. so, i'm not really sure who i am anymore, i create myself every day. there is no stability, I don't have friends, I don't have lovers….they all leave, quickly…no matter how well I treat them. And that hurts so bad. I am a pariah. No one invites me over, no one invites me out. I have to ask and then they get sick of me and distance themselves. 

so, night after night, I come home to my empty house and be whoever I want to be….i am sinking deeper.  i dont even understand how to socially relate to others appropriately,

 I feel a lot of anger and betrayal. Broken promises. words spoken carelessly dishonestly. then they don't want to talk to you. They don't care if you need them,,, So I just shut it up…and become someone else here in my own little world.

It's ok , you don't have to call, you dont have to answer when I call. Ignore my e-mails or a simple hello, or a quest ion maybe you could help me resolve. I guess nobody has time for people like me. If you're on instant message and I come on there and say hi how are you, and you disappear, that's ok. if you used to be my friend, but don't talk to me anymore, that's ok.  If you make up lies to cover why you no longer speak to me, I understand, I guess. Little hope for this…better off playing the roles I like, creating a me out of nothing fragments and shatters.

2 Comments
  1. Sapphire 11 years ago

    Know what you mean about making one self up when one is alone. I tend to gravitate towards different personas and scenerios and this makes me say "here I come alzeihemers". I too have no peeps, no social support "system" , pretty much a lone being. Family is small and fragile so there goes any alternative for stable ground. And yes not having "friends" f's things up for me mentally, but trust has always been a problem, being harmed emotionally really messes with ones ability to make friends. I don't even know how, what to say, seems like noyone cares to talk anymore. They just walk away and talk about  things soo unimportant., and that is annoying to me. But anywho books and movies are my best friends, I just need to unfriend junk food (if only).

     

    @>~~~ Sapphire

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  2. cynthiaz 11 years ago

    hey, I just feel like I need to spill my guts…sorry. I guess this is a safe place to do it. I hear saddest things from youngest people…it is not right…. when you are old like me….well, what the hell. My heart breaks for you. Cause I been there, too. I wrote this little blog about how all us should get together with people in our areas, so we can meet face to face… and maybe stand up together. but then I lost the blog somehow. But that's a good idea, maybe. Isolation sucks…nobody understanding sucks.  I know that world of misery, my dear…believe me…. it's so easy to fall, and if no one picks you up you stay  down…for far longer.

    Tthe struggle to get back up is hard when it's all on you. What do you think. Don't we all need to give support…to each other who face this pain.? I propose we start to unifiy… first in our own areas, then spread it around…. others have done it. We can, too. This is a great website.. We can bring each other hope and joy and comfort, and also tell our stories and know that others understand. Thank you, and bless you. You, feel free to talk to me anytime. i will be listening. I cant' give you the answers but I can understand and relate and just listen….your thoughts and feelings are not just floating out into the void…someone hears them and cares and maybe even understands!!!

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