I've been married for five years now. I'm not sure if I have ever been happy of not? We got married on his five day pass before deploying to Iraq.I know that marriage is never perfect and that was never my expectation. However, if I had known then what I know now, I wouldn't have married my husband. Don't get me wrong I love him and that is the only reason I am still with him. Our original plan was to have children a year after his return. When that year was up and I began trying to discuss it with him, he told me he changed his mind and now doesn't want children now. Not only did he not want children, he made me feel like the worst person for being upset with his decision. I have always been afraid to stand up to him about it and still remain childless. Having children is the only thing that I have ever been sure of, but having that ripped from me I really just wish I didn't exist anymore. On top of that I feel like the only thing I am good at is cleaning the house, cooking, and paying the bills. My husband spends his time in the garage. So it has basically come to get up go to work and listen to people talk about themselves, go home and not talk to anybody, go to bed. Not only does he stay in the garage most of the time. He has runour bills so high with his hobbies, that even if we wanted a kid or I wanted to leave I couldn't afford to! And recently he has started taking money out of the bank account with out telling me and leaving me short for bills. I am seriously at a loss, and wish I did not exist! Not to worry anybody I am not thinking of suicide, I just simply feel hopelessly lost and wouldn't be sad if I died tomorrow.