It has been an emotional rollercoaster since I last wrote on here. I was completely finished with all my child support and sold my house of 18 years because it was just more work than the exwife wanted to do. I didn't get much, but I got enough to finally leave this town and start life all over again somewhere new. I broke up with my girlfriend for a couple weeks only to get back together again and we are still together. I know I will break her heart eventually, but I felt so bad to leave her, that I went back. Why I didn't leave I have no idea because now that I have no financial obligation, I can travel around a little and find what or why I am still here alive and if there is any purpose to keep living. I woke up this morning with the feeling of being lost and also tired of the repeating steps I take everyday. I have a feeling of wanting to quit my job and just pack a bag and go. Maybe go to vistit my brother in Germany for a few weeks and travel around europe. Maybe head to the warm state of Florida and start my life over there. All I think about though is how many people that love me who's hearts I will break by just doing what I have been wanting to do for most of my life. It gets to a point that I feel trapped and that death is my only escape. I wish for it sometimes, but hold it off and fight another day, just like so many of us do. But this morning I feel so sad and lost about what direction to go. Hopefully I figure out my next steps sooner than later.

2 Comments
  1. SaltWaterDrinker 8 years ago

     I am with muppetbaby here.  If you know it's over with the girlfriend, end it now.  Postponing the hurt isn't good for either of you.  As for this whole bit about "breaking hearts" if you do what you really want to do–is it really as extreme as all that?  Sure, some people might not be thrilled at first, but as long as you're not completely jacking in your responsibilities and/or running away, why not follow your bliss?  Just be straight with the people you love and tell them why you need to do this, and prepare to do the real work of maintaining those essential relationships from a distance, if you do move.

    Life is short. Memento vivere.

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  2. happysadJ 8 years ago

    You care so deeply about your love ones and I'm sure they feel the same about you. That will Never change by just following Your True Desires. Im not a pro but…death is what will break their hearts More. Taking actions on doing what You really want, is a chance you should take or maybe try out for a few weeks/months. They'll accept that much more. Its Your Life, you have done all you can, given all you can…continue on with that if needed but Live Your Life! (This is what i also tell myself but my kids are still too young- I'll be patient for them for as long as I can help it)

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