i stayed home from school again, because of my depression. I’m a sophmore in highschool, i have tons of friends that i hang with all the time im happy with them most of the time, so what wrong with me? i wake up for school and its all over. This morning i woke up and just started crying and crying and it SUCKS because then my eyes are all puffy and my headache feels like its about to crack my flippin head open and all, but my mom let me stay home from school today, and yesterday. I’ve missed so much school because of my depression and i feel really bad for it too. Aspecally since my mom is the best mom i could ever ask for, and i feel terrible putting her through my depression, I would hate to watch myself cry everday if that makes sense… anyway i have a shit load of school work to catch up on and everything is just falling apart, and i want to pull everything together, and make myself proud but i dont know how to. I’m doing all these stupid things because in the moment i think it will make me feel better, like making out with boys and letting them do what they want even if it hurts me in the end, i think in the moment if i give them what they want, they will love me or something, i dont know. its stupid. everything feels stupid latly. Even my friends are getting suspicious as to why im home from school so much, and im so sick of being like, "oh my stomach hurt" i want to just shout out, I STAYED HOME BECAUSE I WAS CRYING AND FELT LIKE CRAWLING UP IN A BALL! but i CANT. whatever, i just have to deal.

i feel like my depression is getting the better half of me and all i want is to be happy for like more than a day at a time. one day im happy as can be, the next im crying and my depression strikes, and for the randomest reason. Like, when i think about how my dad hardly calls me, its like a rush of tears. I guess i just wont understand my random depression.