I've written so many blogs, I think I have run out of ideas for titles. I haven't been feeling well, obviously, but as for making the discomfort go away, I am not sure how to make that happen.
I looked at my last blog and I can't say my feelings have changed much. I was definitely feeling the symptoms of withdrawal and may still have lingering effects. I worry because my current nurse practionor is self pay. I feel obligated to toughen it out and deal with the discomfort. But then again, when I feel the discomfort, my depression gets worse.
I am feeling stuck, like I have said so many times before. I don't know what to do to get my life moving or if I want to keep going…what would help me keep going? I'm scared to say a child because I am no where near ready to care for one and I am terrified I will pass on the depression tendencies to them. I can't see myself ever "letting go" enough to let anyone get close. I still wish I could go to a long term facility…somewhere the staff understands depression, not a place mainly for those struggling with addiction. If only insurance would cover some of the costs. Like I have said before, the places around me either suck or are not equippedto help those with just mental illness. I find myself wishing I lived in California or another state with a well-known facility existed. Why bother wishing? There is no help out there for me. Maybe if I read some of my Bible, my mood will change…I hear so many fellow church goers say the Bible contains most, if not all, issues humans struggle with. I don't like cursing God. I want to trust in Him and feel His presence…the longer I struggle and feel alone, the less hope I have that things will change.
Sorry for the spelling errors, I got tired fixing the mistakes