Well you may have read yesterday's post (technically i suppose early hours of this morning!)  And yep you guessed it i didnt get up early it was 11.30 when I finally woke up! And I still had no clue what I was going to do with myself.  But then I was easily distracted by my blacbkerry looking for an app that didn't work (start of anger) and then realising that I had just lost 30 mins of my time!  Then i finally started remembering what is was i was going to do today, but the other half had already gone to work and taken the car so i couldnt run my errands anyway!  Oh well I started turning my attention to what I could do in the house.  And well as I tried to go to sleep yesterday I just kept finding problems that needing fixing in the house – and no this didnt help me get to sleep either just kept me up and ended with an arguement with the other half!  Great.  So I thought again of these problems that deprived me of my sleep and thought about starting on them.  But why is it once you open a can a worms it just gets larger and larger and larger!  Sometimes curiosity did really kill the cat!  I am sorry for all of you reading my blog.  I am just goin on and on, not making much sense and just venting – but it does feel good to vent!  So basically what I am trying to say, is instead of being an anxious wreck unable to tackle the problems and just crying like i usually do, I find that if things aren't where i expect them to be or things aren't just right i feel this overwhelming anger!  And the underlying causual link – my boyfriend only half doing a job, and leaving lots of little half done jobs all over the house.

 

I feel terrible guilt over this, as if i was in a better place, I would have been more able to help him out and help finish these half done jobs, but then I feel like I am just making excuses for myself.  And I can't get rid of this anger i feel to the world, leaving things in such a way I know it will only make things worse, but I just dont CARE! I am sooo overwhelmed with emotion its unreal!  I'm just wondering if any of you have been through this? 

 

If you have got to this point, i have to congratulate you because I am not even sure if i was a third party reading this that I would have been able to follow what I am saying let alone have the will to finish it! But there we go.  I think I am going to try and meditate, or do something to wash way this anger and let nice calm thoughts in!  But there we go, I will let you all know how its goes later!  I hope you are all well and thanks for letting me vent, i feel a little bit better already! xx

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