This week was actually okay.  The storm has passed for now and the mind is now set on finding a plan to get the life back in order.  I have become numb, but that is to be expected when something changes so abruptly that I do not know what to do with myself.  I am a capricorn for christ’s sake, what should I expect?  I hate change, even when I know uncertainly that I do not deserve it.  But, in the end I suppose that the universe has her way with us and loves to show us the hard lessons in life to prove a point.  I believe that I am already being taken care of but not in that fate controlling sort of way.  I do not imply that the universe controls us, but that she can calculate the course of events to guide us along the path we have already chosen to go at birth.  I thought that I was going clinically insane, but now, I realize that it was a time for remorse of a life that was going nowhere.  Now, I can set my sights of what I have wanted to do with myself higher and atually obtain them.  I believe that with one horrible experience, comes a new day when you can wake up and actually see that the day is beautiful and full of promise.  I know that sounds asinine, but it is true.  I am not saying I’m cured, but that life right now is okay, and the storm has subsided.  I was told that whenever one feels vulnerable, it is because you are about to learn something about yourself.  It is supposed to be uncomfortable and scary.  Maybe the crap fairy has had her way with me and is finally bored tormenting me for now.  As if she realy existed.  I know that the prison I have resided in was one of my own creating.

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