I don't know why i'm even bothering with this. I thought i was on the path to having my life under control again but it seems in the last couple of weeks i have lost all that forward momentum and seem to be going downhill at a fast rate. I am tired of not seeing a happy future for myself, i am tired of not seeing any future for myself. I wish i wasn't an angry person sometimes but at other times the anger is the only thing pushing me on, knowing that if i fail at life there are people out there who would revel in this fact and i want to succede if only to spit in their face and tell em to get fucked.

I've tried (and succeded) in re-skilling myself but have come to find the skills i've gained aren't enough and just aren't in demand, the skills that are in demand are skills and jobs i know i can't do, not in the sense that they are too hard or whatever but in the sense that i could only do them for so long before losing my mind and trying to burn the world down.

I found a job online today in a town over 1000km away that i think would be good, tending, maintaining and basically running a 5 acre market garden, i hope so bad that i get this job because it is the first bit of sunshine in an otherwise stormy existence recently. I am trying to find work at farms and such, work i could do with my hands and body and hopefully limited person to person contact. I hate people, as a species we suck, we are nothing more than devious parasites. I have met good people too but the greedy, evil, good for nothing oxygen thieves in this world far outnumber them.

I want to light a match

And throw it on gasoline

Scour the earth

And start with everything clean

I want to wield the axe

And hack limb from limb

Fill a pool with blood

And take a cleansing swim

Fuck the governments

And fuck The People

I need to watch myself

And not slip in to Evil