Ok so I know why i feel sad and depressed .but im also relieved…because Im "healing" ..I think this is first day …i have cried since the night before i signed the offical divorce papers….I put my heart into someone who was a complete loser…a man who thought it was ok to slap me …even though it didnt happen but three or four times because i put an end to that…he didnt work…refused to support his family …I had two step kids…So i did what i could..but i always had to call my mom and dad ( who love me and care for me so much they are the worlds best) for 300 here 120 there .Then I watched him spend it on stuff we didnt need ..if mydad didnt own the place we lived we would have been homeless….I put my life on hold …and when I ouldnt put it on hold anymore ..I was 300 pounds I was without high school diploma (for other reasons) I was ready to move on and I did I start to lose weight alittle at a time I got my GED …My parents let us move in …took care of us …So when I made a choice to have a life changing surgery .he said that I must be cheating on him …( I was going to school at 6 am coming home cleaning up after him and me  studying..And I went to the doctor he refused to go in to see how his wife was going to live better…thats when I knew I couldnt be in live with someone who had no concern for anyone but himself…I told him he had to leave….then found out that he had cheated a year before and had a baby …I was like wow…I did myself a favor………………………………However I felt so betrayed still even though he was gone …he still could hurt me …..And so I didnt have any peace of mind after that ….I just wanted to crawl in a hole….But Nov 17th I had to travel back to tenn to get a divorce…He signed a paper forfeit his rights ….cause he knew he didnt have to be there cause I would ask anything of him other then to get the hell away from me….SO that was a year ago and for a year I have been on emotional LOCK DOWN …better to not feel then to hurt….now I have decided to open up all the emotion I havent felt are rushing in Now. this sucks.