So am I trying to move on with my life, when the 2 men in it, decide to flip flop on their decisions. LEt me start with my husband…. we had a long talk about our relationship and had come to an agreement that we would part ways amicably. Well now he's trying to make me stay with him in theis fucked up relationship we have. He has succeded many times before in making me stay, but now I am not going to fall do this and he's scared I guess. He doesn't want to deal or accept that we r over. I asked him why he's trying to hold me hostage in this marriage. HE says he loves me and has been "good". Well good isn't good enough anymore. I just can't stay with him. I have begged him for years to go to counseling for me and himself but has wanted nothing to do with it. I am just over being miserable with someone. I'd rather be miserable alone than with someone. He has just had me under his thumb fo so long I just can't take it anymore. I think I just accepted things as they were because I was always depressed and never in the right frame of mind. WHich he always likes to throw in face btw. THe last straw for me was when he quit this job with a friend of my family. It was something he was doing really well at but claimed it was to stressful and with him going to school and work it was just to hard. I have had 3-4 jobs the last 4 yrs because he was in an accident and couldnt work. Well now that he is able to work he quits a perfectly good job and now it's up to me to once again hold 3 jobs to keep us afloat. How does that work?! While all this happened I started talking to this man who has been nothing but supportive and caring for me in my time of need. I was going through a very manic period and he helped me come out of it and was actually not frightened off by it. HE has seen me all over the place and never judged me just listened to me when I needed to be heard. Well we got alot closer than I would have liked and recently parted ways. Well we r trying to remain friends but I just don't think that is possible. He came to see me at school today (way out of his way) and just was kind as could be and I was like ok cool maybe we can be around each other without being weird. Well when he left he started telling me how much he missed me and wanted me. WTF dude. What part of u hurt my feeling just a few days ago and made me have an anxiety attack do u not understand. Yes I made a terrible mistake of getting involved with this guy but I needed or thought I needed him so bad. HE text me afterward and was telling me how nice it was to see me…. blah blah blah. Well come to find out he tells me all this crap about his feelings and all i could tell him is that he made me feel uncomfortable. It seemsed like he got hurt or mad but what am i supposed to do? I do care for him alot but do not want to put myself in that position to get hurt again. Now just to clarify I am not getting divorced because of this other guy, Absolutley not! My husband has been giving me hell for years and I got to a place where the smoke had cleared and i realized that my life and youth had passed me by and I had nothing good (except my kids) to show for it. He has not changed nor will he ever. Even his own mother knows how he is and has given me her blessing to divorce. I love my mil. SHe is a wonderful woman and I will not stop seeing her because of him. I just want to be alone to get my mind right. I always make dumbass decisions when I'm depressed. I just don't want to hurt anymore. Love for me is something that I have accepted is not for me. I always get shit on and I take it like a dumb ass. I don't want to be a doormat anymore. I wan to be loved but will not have/find that unless I learn how to love myself. I am worth more than this. I don't deserve this. Please enlighten me…….

1 Comment
  1. Mz_Unda_Std 10 years ago

    BTW! I do not condone affairs nor have I ever done anything so fuckin stupid before either. I'm just an idiot that feel for a charming, sweet talking man. WHen you don't get affection/attention at home.. I guess this is what happens. I used to talk crap about ppl who did this sort of thing and now look at my dumb ass…

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