I hate feeling unnoticed. Especially by the ones closest to you. My husband took my oldest son to the gym today. No biggie, they needed some guy time. the thing i was kinda upset about was that he took him rock wall climbing….i've never been and i really really want to go. I didnt tell him that and its not like i really have time or the transportation to go on my own. Well as soon as he got home he was on the computer. I made dinner, hes still on the computer, we got done eating hes back on the computer, kids are in bed he's on the computer. I really just wanted to cuddle and be close to him.
So i asked him if he would get off the computer and watch a movie and cuddle with me….I got the most "are you serious" kind of look so I just said forget it. I went upstairs and took a shower. I come back downstairs and hes off the computer but now playing xbox. So i gave up and decided to go to bed but of course I cant sleep. I dont like sleeping alone in the bed. and more than likely he will fall asleep on the couch because he doesnt have to work tomorrow. I know he's tired from work. I try really hard to make him comfortable at home. I do all the cleaning and cooking and laundry and grocery shopping and dishes and take care of the kids so he doesnt have to.
Its frustrating. We're not intimate anymore. I mean maybe once every few weeks. Its just kinda upsetting. We're only 21 and of course my sex drive is high but if i bug him about it it starts a fight. So I just stop asking or trying. but I at least want to cuddle. I guess sometimes i feel left out never getting to do the fun stuff. I would love to just go out with some friends….but i take care of the kids. I cant just go out. even if we do go out to a party I still have to get up 6am with the kids no matter how late we come home….and stay up with them get breakfast and tend to their needs while he sleeps in.
I let it happen. So i guess i shouldnt complain. It just gets old but i let it happen over and over. I'm to nice and to nurturing to say anything. I want to feel important. Maybe its my insecurity getting in the way of feeling important. I'm really depressed right now. At least I get my feelings and thoughts out by blogging. Sometimes I just want to leave my account open so my husband could read them.
it would prolly just start a fight though. I was doing really good at communicating and things are really great between us that now i'm scared to say anything because I dont want to mess things up again. I always feel like I need to make everyone else happy no matter how it affects me. As long as everyone else is happy I should be happy too right?