The last I had a job was on January 18th 2008. I was supposed to get a new job shortly thereafter, but I didn’t.  I have been searching, with various degrees of enthusiasm, for nearly nine months.

No success.

I am still jobless and relying on my unemployed boyfriend (who is currently getting disability coverage) to cover my end of the rent/food/utilities/whatever. I am DEEPLY in debt to him, as I’ve promised to pay him back for every penny he has paid on my behalf. (Excluding gifts and other such lovelies)

Our roommate is quitting her job. She can’t handle it anymore, and with her recurring migraines I really can’t blame her.

The stress of this place is palpable. My roommate’s husband gets crap pay and meager hours. He’s the only one of us with a job… and while Matthew is getting coverage for his disability, it barely covers his end of things, let alone mine and now our other roommate’s.

I think my Social Anxiety is really getting in the way of getting work. I get interviews because of my experience in retail stuff, but all of the places I interview with pass on me. Mostly, I think, because I’m not confident in the interview.

It’s ruining me. I need work. I feel useless here. I feel like a failure.

Why don’t people want me? Am I really that bad?

I can’t take this anymore. My stomach is always balled up in knots… it hurts so much. I’m shaking all the time now. I can barely will myself to get out of bed.

I just don’t know what to do anymore. I just don’t know what to do.

I’ve lost hope. I keep trudging along, but there’s no expectation of light at the end of the tunnel. I have to keep going because if I don’t it hurts everyone else around me, but it’s draining me. I feel empty and useless and without hope.