I spent years in Ohio improving my life through therapy, med-trials and error, working on myself, building my confidence, going to my appointments, getting on ssi as a way of having insurance to pay for my health bills as i had no other way to get the help i needed(meds, therapy, psychiatry, etc.)

It was never to be a permanent thing(the ssi).

I was at the peak of my confidence when i met my ex on this site.

I fell in love, started visiting with $ from back pay that i should've used for a residence and such in Ohio.

I visited here in Cali alot to see my gf.

All that I got was disrespect from her family b/c i am on ssi.

i moved here b/c i thought that i could have a happy life with my gf. and my confidence level was very high.

i also wanted to get into this program to help me find work, eventually college, and get off of ssi.

i really had to go at my own pace.

i was rushed like hell from my ex's parents.

they refused to except me for who i was.

that's all i'll say. they are good people who just judge and don't understand or expect better than me.

apparently my ex was the same way.(a year and a half)…we were still in love when we broke up…you'd think if someone loved you that if they heard you were almost shot in the head that they would want to talk to you. not that i expect it though.

We broke up the day before valentines day….nice

I am so alone here.

I can't take sleeping alone and the nightmares.

everything has been hell here in cali.

nothing has went as planned.

this isn't a blog about bitching and being self-absorbed.

really, this fuc*ing place has took the life from me.

I could tell you so much else that has happened in a profound way to fu*k up my life.

The shi*ty thing is that it was My decision to move here.

I fu*ked up. I ruined my life.

The End