I am a new member andtoday I just had to find a place to reach out to others who were in desperate need of something that we just are not finding in our own lives. I have been in therapy forever. Been to specialized hospial for tramua three times. Tons of meds. Anyways want to try something new. want to share something personal with you folks.

I was sleeping in the recliner in the den as i often do, don't like sleep in bed much. Had two amazing dreams. First my family was on a trip. We were getting ice cream. It was a beatuiful day. The girls were in pigtails and Dylan was running and jumping. Jim, my husband had his hand on my waist. we were looking at each other with such love. My family was all together. I felt so warm and happy. Everyone was happy.

The second dream, I was standing with a blanket rapped around my nude body at the foot of a mattress. My husband was lying under a blanket and we were joking. I climbed in bed next to him and laid my head on his shoulder. I snuggled up next to him and he wrapped his arm around me. It felt so good. And so real. I woke curled up on my side in the cornor of the recliner. Shutting my eyes wishing it to be so. It felt so real, it felt so good. I want those dreams, I prey for those dreams where I have my son and I have my husband with me and they mess me up for the day but I dont care. I love those dreams. It felt so wonderful to see my whole family happy again. and to be held by my knight one more time. I still cant believe he is gone. I promised him I would be strong but there isnt much fight if any. When we lost Dylan a few years ago, I had Jim to lean on. I am not strong. Putting this out there maybe someone will know what a mess i am and point me in some sort of direction of light. I dont reach out to people in my world at all. run them all off. dont want them judging me.

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