My former online friend keeps telling lies about me and he thinks I don’t know or can’t see it.
He lied that I kept my ex-girlfriend around for an ego boost, when in reality I stayed with her because I was afraid that if I broke up with her she would kill herself. There’s more stuff he said but it just hurts to talk about, or it’s too much energy wasted explaining it all. He’s hurt too I know but I literally am getting closer to just ending it all and I don’t even feel sorry for the people I know IRL for how badly I want to just die.

I have somewhat of a plan: on January 2nd, I’ll send a goodbye letter to all my online friends, give them my OCs, and just end it. With how much mental anguish I’ve been in, I honestly want to do it sooner than the planned day. I feel exactly like the scene in Hereditary when Annie is shrieking and crying on the floor after finding Charlie’s body with the head knocked off. It seriously does hurt too much, I just need to die.

I’ve also been having this premonition that in all honesty I want to come true. I want to end up in the hospital for some severe injury. Most likely it’s so my friends care about me again, but honestly I want something to just hurt me really really badly, to the point where I need to stay overnight in a hospital for some time.