The blog about my father earlier in the day knocked the stuffing out of me, but I knew it would. I was able to release all the anger, the hurt and the grief, cleansing myself from a burden I have carried alone far to long.

As the day progressed small repressed memories surface and were dealt with as they flowed being recognized for what they are, or were.

I did not fall completely apart or become unhinged. I was able to go peacefully about the day maintaining my sanity and functioning.

I went for a walk in the evening sun and took the time to listen to children playing in the park, the birds singing their evensong. I noted the leaves as the breeze teased them.

I heard my parent's voices, "head up, lower your shoulders, one foot in front of the other, walk from your hips not your knees". Maintain that aire of grace and confidence.

I was surprised at how other people out and about smiled when they looked at me. I exchanged glances and smiled back.

The only reason I went out was to feed my nicotine addiction. I had ten dollars left to last me until Tuesday, I had earmarked it for other things, but managed to burn through a package of cigarettes very quickly while purging my memories of my father. I justified the expense by promising myself I would tackle the purging of the memories of my mother next. And for that I would need nicotine.

Tonight I will take the reduced medications as I have for the past few days but add the Levocarb to deal with the muscle spasms which are a side effect of the Seroquel. I am not yet ready to forgo sleep and reduce the night time dosage of Seroquel.

One step at a time.