Tired, sort of sad, and frustrated today. Wait, that's beginning to sound like my mantra for every morning. (sigh)
Zach is home today from school because he's not quite ready to go back. He's still having nausea and diarrhea and is pretty tired out. I talked to the doctor this morning and they said he should be good to go tomorrow, that I just have to pack him a very bland lunch and see how he does.
This weekend has not been fun. Between Zachary being so sick, my moods and the fight Aaron and I go into Saturday night about the previously mentioned issues it just sucked. Things are a little better between Aaron and I, but by no means great. I pretty much had told him that if I can't trust him, what is our marriage worth? I refuse to be another wife that sits by while her husband cheats on her. I've been there once already and will not do it again. End of story.
I've been having very vivid and sad dreams. They disturb me and make me feel awful, and again they follow me into the daytime. I don't know how to shake it because the dreams are so real. And they're dreams I'm not okay with at this point. What my heart wants and what my mind knows are at complete odds,and it's awful feeling.
For the most part I'm just numb most of the time ~ going through the motions of every day. I need to find the will to fight this, to get out of this place I'm in, but I don'teven know how to start. I'm glad I'm seeing mytherapist on Tuesday.
Speaking of therapists, Zach has his last testing appointment on Wednesday afternoon regarding the Asperger's Syndrome. Then the next visit will be to talk about thecomplete diagnosis. I don't know that I'm going to take him to it ~ there's no need for him to feel like there's something "wrong" with him. He has a hard time with his self-confidence anyhow, and that would just make it harder for him. I may even get mad at this woman and throwthe papers back in her face depending on whatshe says to me. My son may be different, but he's pretty muchperfect inmy eyes. Nothing she says isgoing to change that.
I think I've finally made my decision to givemy notice at my job. They only gave me 3 hours this week, and of course ofall days it was today, which I'm having to miss to stay home with Zachary. This is just not working for me anymore. It's an affront to my dignity and self-confidence as well. For as long as I've worked there, I should be getting more hours than the measly few they offer me. I've talked to several othercashiers that are getting 20 hours plus. Why is that? I'm done begging for more hours, done begging to be called when someone calls out for a shift, I'm just DONE all the way around. It's time to move on.
So that's what I've got so far today. I'm sincerely hoping today gets better as it goes. Ugh, I hate Mondays. Hope everyoneelse has a good one.