I met this guy on a dating app and I have written about him several times now.  About a week into talking to him I had a mental breakdown.  It had nothing to do with him and I tried to protect him from it.  My behavior toward him was really erratic and strange so a couple days later I admitted to him that I had called a suicide help line.  I feel like that was a mistake because I guess in the past he was with a girl who would threaten to kill herself and used that as a weapon against him, a means to control him I guess.  I have tried explaining to him over and over that I would never do that but I feel like there is a huge rift.  He was always busy but now he doesn’t call.  I am lucky to get a few lines of text at the end of the day.  I feel like he is only keeping in contact through a sense of obligation.  It is all speculation though.

I sent him a text tonight saying that I feel like I am being punished for something I didn’t do and that I am sorry that I reminded him of a traumatic time in his life.  I just feel like its fubar though.  I don’t sense any real interest from him anymore.

I am an overthinker so I was mentally prepared for this to end long ago, but I still feel mournful about it.  Chances are he will text me and tell me everything is ok and he is just busy.  Is he though?  ALWAYS busy?  I know its cliché but theres the saying that someone who wants you will make time for you.

The lack of communication is making me extra crazy.

8 Comments
  1. Author
    sanatee 10 months ago

    Update: He said he is still interested but busy. Fml why am I so extra?

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    • notabubble 10 months ago

      i’m going through something oddly similar actually. I met my guy on a dating app to and really connected with him and he seems like he liked me just as much as I liked him which has never happened before. But somethings went down in his life and he’s suddenly pulling away from me and barely texting at all when we used to text all day and call every night. I just wish he would talk to me.

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      • Author
        sanatee 10 months ago

        I had a really good conversation with mine right after I wrote this blog. I messeged him asking if he could find time to talk because I was felt like he was punishing me.

        He started to really open up about his experience with his ex and how it made him feel and I let him get it all out. Then I explained that I do have dark thoughts but I never acted upon them or blamed someone for them. Its my situation, not a person.

        I feel more optimistic now, but I always do when he calls. Wait a few days of him being too busy and I will be writing another blog.

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        • notabubble 10 months ago

          I’m glad he opened up to you! And that you’re feeling better. I wish mine would open up. I think he’s pushing me away because he doesn’t want to hurt me but all he’s doing is making things worse I’m afraid. I totally get what it’s like with feeling optimistic because he finally talked to you. After like a week straight from not hearing a word from him, when I finally did I felt so relieved. Then he kept kind of just ghosting me but giving me little bread crumbs along the way so things still suck.

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          • Author
            sanatee 10 months ago

            It may be time to put a little pressure on him like I did. There are other options out there. On dating appss men outnumber women 9 to 1. Its just filtering through them is so tiresome it is hard to let go when you find one that gives you hope. I really hope he comes around or that you find happiness elsewhere.

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  2. manicpixiefakeblonde 9 months ago

    Warning: My experience with dating apps/meeting people through social media, not an accurate representation of what happens in every situation similar to this… feel free to read if you’d like, if not, I respect that 🙂

    Hello there, good evening! I was actually in the reverse situation, as I was the one receiving the breakdowns from the guy I met on a dating app. We talked from about June to early August, but it stopped. He ended up ghosting me and then making multiple social media accounts to attempt to contact me again. You’re absolutely right with the lack of communication aspect, communication is KEY. If he’s not willing to respond, I’m guessing it’s to protect his mental health first, NOT that yours is less important. However, ignoring you is a poor approach to that and is unfair to you. I suggest to stand your ground, set boundaries, and see what he has to say. It’s totally valid to feel mournful. I felt mournful when the guy I was talking to ghosted me. And then requested me, I eventually ended up chatting with him again but then he ghosted me again. Aaaaand then he requested me a gazillion times after. The guy you’re talking to could possibly be taking more frequent phone breaks, I find phone breaks to be very helpful personally. His past trauma may also keep him closed off and reserved. I’m just assuming things though, so I’ll stop. Trust me when I say this, time heals. I’m a very impatient person, but when I finally stopped talking to this guy, I felt significantly better. Never got the chance to meet him in person, he’d always cancel last minute. Same situation happened with a girl who DMed me on tik tok in December, had frequent mental breakdowns and calling me at odd hours of the night, however, she’s struggling with substance abuse. We talked, called, and all that. I thought I’d meet her, I was so set on her. She ended up not responding to my texts, which became days at a time, to weeks at a time. We were both dealing with things, but the lack of communication was totally there. I wasn’t going to wait on her unclarity, so I got tinder, matched with someone who super-liked me, immediately asked me on a date, met up (safely of course), and now he’s my boyfriend. Someone who wants you will make time for you, so it’s important to know how frequent they use their phone/the gist of what they do during the day (school, work, stay at home, etc.). I look back on the other two I never ended up meeting in person with, and realize now how happy I am without them. My boyfriend is amazing, I’ve never had a real S.O., so this is a new experience for me. It’s not all rainbows and happiness, but strong communication is making it work very well. If there’s ever an emergency/serious problem, I suggest reaching out to them by calling them rather than text. Whatever your prefrence is, though. Stay strong, know your worth, you’ve got this!

    (sorry this was unneccessarily long and I can’t spell correctly but it’s 12 am where I am and I hope my experience can help you at least a little bit)

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    • manicpixiefakeblonde 9 months ago

      Shoot that had no business being that long lmaooo

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      • Author
        sanatee 9 months ago

        That was beautifully put and very sound advice. Its often hard to be logical about things until you see it through another perspective. I am kind of over him but I am also enjoying this sort of spell I am under. Ive gotten it down to one message per day that I send him, and it is always something sweet or encouraging because maybe he needs that in his day. Maybe he doesnt, but its there if he needs it.

        I know I have other options. A couple of them popped into my life in the past few days, but I am going to let myself feel in love just a little bit longer. I can break all the hearts later.

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