I have one week and one day left before my husband and I leave to start fresh in a new state 17 hours away from this place and these memories. Holding on tight. I'm so anxious to be through with the next 8 days. Wish it were here already. My daughters are staying here and they will be renting out house from us. This seems awful but I'm glad this is how it turned out. Ive been on my own since I was 14 and a mom since 17. I've never been not a caretaker. It feels like a weight has lifted that I'll actually be able to breathe and take care of myself for a change. Scary too. I know my husband and I have talked about having another baby but I don't want to just yet. I want to see what happens when it's just us. Rekindle that love that we never had a chance to explore when we had kids. We were a readymade family when we met. Never been just us. Exciting and scary. I hope I'm enough for him. I feel like my worth is lower without kids. Maybe it's just my low self esteem telling me that. It's time to start over though and I'm so excited about it I feel like I could explode. I don't want anything to jeopardize it. We are having a party tomorrow night and all his friends are coming. They knew and met the other woman too. I am so scared that someone will say something that I didn't know or that I'll find out that I was lied to about something else by my husband. I feel this knot in my stomach about it. I'm really not looking forward to it at all but it's important to him to do this party as he wont see them for awhile. I'm just really scared and don't want to jeopardize my self control.