I\'m finding that I can talk about things that happened to me, but talking about my emotions about those things is so difficult I\'m speechless. Sometimes I know what I want to say, but I can\'t say it without crying or feeling like I\'m exposing too much of myself, other times, my mind goes blank and I have no way of expressing any emotion. Sometimes that leads to crying, others, I just get nervous giggles and everything is funny. A lot of people think I\'m pretty hilarious which helps my hiding because if I were giggly without having the funny to back it up, people would know I am not really sane, but some people, like the complicated relationship guy I\'m seeing see right through the funny stuff and they can tell which is real and which is not. It freaks me out because then I\'m confronted with having to say what I really feel and it\'s either something I\'m afraid to reveal or something I don\'t know how to express. He\'s a good guy and patient and all, but sometimes I feel like I\'m using him as a therapist…. then again, the therapists I\'ve had haven\'t taken half the run arounds I give him, mostly because money is an issue and there isn\'t the complicated nature of wanting the therapist to still like me in the end…. But in a way, this is more helpful to me, someone who really cares and isn\'t just doing their job. But there\'s always the risk that I\'ll let him in on something and he won\'t care anymore…. that freaks me out.
My guess is that I\'m not the only one with issues expressing emotions, anyone else deal with this? any suggestions on how to convey feelings you don\'t really have words for? The ones I\'m scared to express, I\'m slowly but surely letting him in a bit more each time, but what about the ones I don\'t know how to describe??? They\'re not fear, anger, guilt, sadness, or any of the other emotions that have a name, they feel kind of like a mix but not one I can really point a finger at other then to say "bad".