So it turns out that my appointment with the job people was at 11am. Not too bad. Would have been worse if it was earlier. As soon as mum woke me up, My mind started rattling through all the things I wanted to say, and weather or not I would actually say them. I don’t think i’m ready to go back to work, and I didn’t know if I would have the courage to tell the officer this.
When I got to the appointment, they advised me that the person I was going to be seeing was away sick, and I would be seeing someone else. That was fine, concidering this was my first appointment. When the lady called me my heart jumped, and then started beating at, what seemed to me, a million miles an hour. She started with asking what I have been doing. Great what a quesion to start with.. I told there that I quit working back in March last year. She asked me what I have been doing in the mean time. I told her I had some "pesonal" issues. She didn’t push me, and I was thankfull. I told her that I was feeling very nervous about going back to work, which is more than I expected to say. She then volunteerd me to do this intensive course for people that are nervous about going back to work. I’m glad that she offered this to me. Its better than going back to work. I’m going to be in a room full of people who will be going through (somewhat) what i’m going through. She gove me a blue folder of things that will be coverd in the course. I was reading through it this afternoon. After I read it, I started feeling very anxious. I still have to look for work. I have to. The question is however, will I actually do it, or just say that I did. I wonder if they can tell the difference?? I’m sure they can. I’ll get to see the same woman from now on, she took over my "case".
She said that the group is quite large at the moment. I guess i’m going to have to get used to being around people again. The prospect is quite daunting however. A whole heap of thoughts have been running through my head,like "will they look at me wierd" and stupid things like that. A good thing about it though, it doesn’t have the pressure of working. I’ll have to attend this course about 3/4 days a week. Its quite intensive. On a down side, it stats at 9:45am, so that means not many late nights for me anymore.
Its going to feel strange getting up at an early hour again. I used to do it all the time when I was working, and now my body is so accustomed to staying up to early hours of the night. It’s definatly going to take some getting used to. I start this course on Monday.
I know the psychcologist is going to be happy about me doing this course. Its exactly the sort of thing that she wanted me to do. I’m proud of myself for going through with it, and stating what I wanted. Though the course isn’t exactly what I was thinking, its good enough for me for the time being.
On other news, The weather is very strange today. It’s incredibly windy, and the dust is flying everywhere, causing the sky look like asthough there is a fire blazing somewhere. When I went outside the dust flew all over me and my white top, causing the top look like its dirty, when its not. Very frusturating!! I can feel the dust on my skin. It has the feel as though I have been down the beach. If feels gritty and horrible. I should have known to not wear a skirt too! I found myself grabbing on to it, making sure that no one was to catch an eyefull. ;-). There is debris all over the roads everywhere, and many trees are loosing branches and leaves. Definatly what you would call a "Blustery Day".