Home sweet home, after a long rehersal. Yep, still school theater time. Anyone ever heard of a musical called "Children of Eden?" If you haven't, look up a song called Generations. It's so fast-paced, you just have to love it.

I should really be working on my Pre-Cal homework right now, but I'm just too lazy at this point. It's barely been a day, and I'm already tired of school. Either the district should shorten the days, or have us go to school later. Late enough to the point where I can at least catch ten or twelve hours of sleep.

No way I can squeeze the book in, either; I'd have to pull an all-nighter. Last time I did that, someone ended up kicking me in the shins because I fell asleep. Gah, why am I procrastinating so much now? I'm going to get kicked out of English at this rate (advanced placement class).

That's not what scares me, though. What scares me is my moms reaction to that happening. She hates it when my grades aren't high; if it's not an A, it's not good enough. Might be because of all that "no college, no future" stuff schools like to shove down the throats of students.

I don't even know what it is I want for my future. Career-wise, there's not much that strikes my fancy. The few paths I did take an interest in proved to be deadends in terms of expectations (I'm looking at you, Culinary Arts). I also don't have that many talents that I've developed. Acting, it's a possibility, but that road is travelled way too much. Not a chance with that degree of competition.

All I really know is that I want to have a daughter. Maybe it's because of all the time I've spent with Daniel, but parenthood doesn't seem so daunting anymore. True, it can drive you up a wall sometimes, but in the end, you feel satisfied with what you did.

But then that draws in the whole relationship fears. I've had interests, attractions, and one girl that I had a major crush on, but nobody that really seems to fit. That's what bites; there's someone out there that I can make a successful life with, but I don't know where to look, and when I do, it's near a dead-end.

I think I've rambled enough for tonight. Got three more long days ahead for me this week. I'm for bed right now.

1 Comment
  1. Andie372 9 years ago

    Seems like the pressure to excel may be hard on you. It's normal as a high school kid not to know what you want to do. You sound smart, and you definitely should plan on college. Your Mom is right on that one. Have you told your Mom about your feelings of depression? I was diagnosed in 2002 and have seen a psychiatrist regularly since then. Also did therapy for some years. Treatment helps tremendously

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