well, my mother has been pissing me off a lot lately. A lot. This week I had tests in every class and I'm terrible at math, so I had been going crazy trying to study and everything, she knew how stressed I was. The kitchen is an absolute mess. She doesn't do anything all day, she doesn't have any other job. I mean I don't expect it to be clean when I come home or whatever I'm just saying, at this point she's waiting untill one of us gets tired of it and I just give in and clean it like I always do. I don't understand why she can't do it. I really don't. You all know of my crazy scheduale. Why should I have to come home and do that? I understand helping out around the house, I have no problem with oding laundry and folding clothes, or cleaning up the bathroom. I just feel like this should be her job. We went to the grocery yesterday and she flipped out because she wanted something for dinner I couldn't have, I understand, they eat meat I don't, fine. I don't really care that much, so just let me buy a very inexpensive box of mac and cheese so I can eat dinner. she flipped, yelling at my sister and I about being tired of having to choose the meals we eat and me never eating them. And about how stressed she was. She doesn't do anything but smoke weed all day. Ugh it makes me so mad, but I feel so guilty about being so angry with her, I feel like I'm being selfish. Anyway, remember the ex-friend I've been complaining about, well, she texted me, told me she loves me and shes sorry for not talkign to me I decided to tell her that she hurt me terribly, and, of course, she flipped out. I should have exected no less for her. She doesn't care, she wanted to talk to me again simply so I would take her the purse I have. she can come get it, she just won't. I wasn't terribly mean to her or anything, and I know I'm not perfect, I can be mean too, but if she said I hurt her feelings I would apologise, she just throws other things back in my face. She and my other friend threw me away, didn't even think twice. I don't think she even cared very much. When she told me in the first place that her mom wouldn't let her see me, I asked her if she was fighting for me she replied "I tried, but I'm done trying, too much conflict." Seriously? I thought I was your best friend, I though I meant the world to you! But, no theres too mcuh conflict for you to stand up for your best friend. I fought for her multipul times, all the time as a matter of fact. Any time I went to see her I had to fight. Ugh. All I've wanted to do is sleep, thats all I've done all day, I only woke up to turn in an assighnment on my virtual school, then I'll prob go back to sleep. I'm becoming depressed again…I'm lonely, I'm tired, and I'm angry as hell. But, I don't say anything. I never say anything. Not cutting is so hard. It'd be so easy for me to do it. no one would know. I jsut feel like a dissapointment, by giving in to her.



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