You might have to read my previous blog to understand, but…

 

I saw my Doctor today, well, not my doctor, but a doctor. I called up yesterday in some form of hysterics and they gave me an appointment today.

I didn’t really know why I went, I just did, I didn’t expect them to suddenly take it all away or anything, or to solve my problems.

She was really nice, she didn’t make me go into details about things. Which was nice, because I really don’t think I could. I cried a little bit, but considering how much of a wreck I am after things, I did well.

She asked me about pressing charges, I told her I really have no clue who he was and I don’t ever want to find out. I have done nothing but shower for days. I feel fucking dirty.

The Doctor gave me some Diazepam to get me through the weekend, it’s only just gotten me through today, how am I going to get through the weekend?

I went to the doctors with a knife in my pocket. It was the only way I could let myself leave the house.

I still haven’t spoken to any of my friends, I presume that whoever he was has told them some other version of what happened and they are all laughing behind my back. I feel like the doctor probably was when I told her how pathetic I was.

She called it RAPE. I wanted to die there and then. It wasn’t rape, or was it? I don’t know, what If I just imagined everything?

I really need to talk to my CPN, really badly, but she will want me to press charges and find things out and I really can’t cope with it. Maybe I won’t tell her. I am seeing my Psychiatrist on Wednesday… I don’t think I can tell her.

What the fuck do I do?

2 Comments
  1. sheilafoley3 12 years ago

    I think you need to be honest with your CPN or whoever you talk to.  Also be honest with what you can and can”t handle right now.  No one can make you DO anything you are not ready to do .  But I just think it”s important to be honest about it.  I”m so sorry you have to deal with this.  You”ll be in my thoughts.  Take care of yourself.  Sheila

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  2. cileford 12 years ago

    This is something that has happened to alot of people but that”s nothing and unimportant when it happens to you personaly….get controll of your thoughts and hold on for the other feelings to come rushing in…they will…but we have to be prepared for things in life that happen to us and we have to stand strong…im so sorry i can”t be there to tell you it”s going to get better…it will never go away, but control over what it”s doing to you is the key that you will get through it…just keep your eyes looking stright ahead and i will be praying for you….i promise.  and you do need to press charges….it makes a girl tuff to stand up to the bullies…they are cowards, you are not.  huggs and prayers.

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