I am new to this website. I am looking for some support please. I have always suffered from anxiety/panic disorder and was diagnosed with bipolar. I made a horrible decision that has ruined my life. I dont know why I did it, i am not this kind of person. But i did it anyway. On christmas of this year, I went to visit my family for the first time in 20 years. I didnt want to go, but my mother made me. She told me if I didnt go, she would never forgive me. I havent seen them since I was a baby. I am 25 now. So i went, and even had an anxiety attack on the way down there. My uncle is a rich billionaire and my mother and I are ok financially, but struggle every now and then. I knew I wouldnt have anything in common with them, My uncle didnt get us anything for christmas, and none of the family I could relate or speak too. I felt as though i was being judged and I wasnt important. My uncle and cousins asked me what I did for a living. I told them, i am trying to get into nursing school, but right now i play rock music in a band. They asked me if I made any money doing it, and i said "no, not yet, but eventually i hope to." They scoffed at me. Later in the night, I found out that my uncle was giving away gold boxes with cash ranging anywhere between 10,000-25,000 to the family members. We didnt recieve anything. He just had a baby with his 27 year old trophy model wife, He is 72. There was a golden box laying by the fireplace with money in it. It was meant for their 7 month old baby. I wasnt sure how much. I dont know what the hell i was thinking, but my heart was pounding, and i was filled withemotion and anger,I stole the box. my mother and I went back to the hotel, they found out it was missing, and they knew it was me. It was obvious it was me. I tried lying about it, which made it even worse. My uncle called the hotel, threatened me and told me im neverwelcome again and give him his money back. There was 10,000 in cash in the box. I left the money in the hotel room for them to find. So they recovered the money. My mom tried to take up for me arguing that i would never steal anything from anyone, which i never would. But i did. She wanted to leave christmas night since she was so embarassed, and I left the money in the hotel lobby in a tree for them to find. The next morning, we were back to where I live, and they wanted me to take a lie detector test. At that point, I told them the truth and where to find the money. They disowned my mother. The whole family looks at me as a scum criminal. I have tried to apologize, no one wants to hear it. My mother can barely speak, and i have never felt so terrible and not like myself. I have not eaten or slept, and its all I can think about. Why the hell did I do this? I feel like I did the worst thing in the world next to killing someone. I am so lost and broken. I know I am a good person and I have helped many people and friends in my life. i have told all my friends about it, and they have done nothing but support me. I am going back to therapy on monday. I thought I was done with my anxiety, but i am not. I would do anything to take back what I did. Please someone help.