So here’s a *helpful* little exercise my counselor used to think would cure my depression. Write the positives in your life. That was all she had for me to do, every week, for months. Yeah, didn’t work, and I quit that counseling fast. But anywayz, I thought I’d take a little inventory here and see if the positives could possibly outweight the negatives today, because I am majorly depressed right now (as usual).
THE NEGATIVES
– I have no job
– I have no friends, except for in Georgia (and even one of them decided he could no longer be my friend any more because "you have major depression" – how about being there for people when they’re hurting not when they’re perfect you ASSHOLE)
– I have had only 1 boyfriend in my life and I will be 27 in a month and I don’t have one now when I should be married!!! all these negatives would be completely null then.
– I have no roommate
– I have no passions or interests in anything in life whatsoever
THE POSITIVES
– I have a cute little dog
– I have internet so I’m able to get on here and watch TV & movies online for free.
– My money only ran out today. I was able to pay September rent & my car payment.
– I have parents who will mail me a check to help me if come October I still haven’t found a new job (they live in Georgia).
– I have a nice place to live that is actually the most affordable in the area, so long as I get a roommate.
Yeah, they don’t outweigh the negatives at all. But…maybe somehow I can push past the constant tears and loneliness to find a job. But then what? I still want people to hang out with. I am about THIS close to posting an ad on Craigslist and just going out with whatever guy responds. I don’t want to sit at home anymore, it’s already been months. My Mom asked me on the phone today what I do all day if no one calls me…GOSH it was the most depressing thing ever to actually say OUT LOUD that all I do is surf the internet (trying to find a date – but didn’t tell her that part), watch TV, and hunt for jobs to apply to. I think I’ve applied for 60 so far, and gotten not one call and it’s been a whole month already. And I mean, not even for retail stuff, which is normally the easiest thing on the planet to get. What in the WORLD is going on. I am so about to give up, I am so tired of trying to make my life be good, positive, and not boring. I just want to cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry.
I dont want to be nosey, but why did u move away from georgia? I am thinking of moving myself because I have no friends here anyway and my family thinks I am a loser so I just want to get away. But I am afraid I will end up in a worse state of mind somewhere else and be out on the street without a job. It is great that your parents are willing to help you out, they at least love you and are concerned for your happiness. Please try and hang in there because you sound like a nice girl and are attractive so you should have lots of friends in your life. At least you are still young, you should really not feel pressured to get married. You want to be happy, not just married! or worse, divorced! Good luck and keep trying! XXX Thomas.