I wonder how many promises are made…you get ready full of excitment , thinking of wow someone to share with , go with and depend on.

Then flat…..right in the middle of driving you get that text. I’m tired of promises that never fruitate.

Presciption drugs, alcohol and gambling ..seem to win out. And I on the other hand am an enabler and then get caught up in my own depression thinking for some odd reason it’s me.Then they because the enabler for me.

A circle I wish to break in many areas of my life. i was thinking on how many times and how many different ways I have let things happen that I could control myself ..and I would love to blame someone…..maybe the abuse from birth on by parents who only could see themselves and not beyond, to an abusive husband……and on to users and people who take you for granted.

I thought with therapy for so many years {I could of bought a house for that money}……..that it would help cure what sticks in the back of my head .stays with me into every part of my life and tends to encircle and choke out what good and positive I try to maintain.

I narrowed it down to one problem left to overcome this depression……and can’t quite conquer it.  And I know that "one" thing is keeping my life a virtual prisoner.

How does that happen ..when you want so much more for yourself? How do I keep letting it get the best of me ……taking the easy way  would be a godsend but yet I know I show by example to minds to young for understanding the plights of others with infliction.

{ I still feel that guilt of saying what I need to , to keep the tears and  depression at bay, But others here I know suffer worst. I feel guilty for taking up this space of mindless words to at least get it out of my thoughts and into the open}