I don't understand how my sister is my sister.

My biggest aspiration is to take care of my parents how they took care of me.. My sister is nothing like that. She'd rather lie, cheat, and steal, whatever it takes to get what she wants..

I used to play guitar.. I was really good too.. I was really getting into it over Christmas break.. I was playing everyday..

I've stopped now. Every time I'm in this apartment, I feel like I've lost the passion for guitar. Which really sucks because that was practically my only outlet.. Now it's gone..

I've always wanted to travel.. Not really to find myself, but to get a sense of the world.. The fashion in Paris, the beauty of Germany, the food in South Korea, etc.

I've mostly been interested in going to South Korea. I like their music, their fashion, their confidence, and how they would rather be cute than sexy.

I've been wanting to take a trip there. With my sister. But I've changed my mind about going with her.

It was both of our dreams to go.. We found a beautiful hotel to stay at, a couple of tourist apps to show us where the best spots to go are, plane tickets.. All of that. We even made plans about how to get the money. We needed about $7,000 for all that, and some for shopping.(: We managed to save up about $200 in a couple of months, without our parents knowing. I know it doesn't sound like much, but it was the most we have ever saved.

Since all of this started.. I have been thinking about other ways to use the money.. If I'm going to South Korea, it'd be by myself, and I'd save up by myself as well.

I've been thinking about giving the money to my parents.. Just as a thank you for everything they've done. Maybe they could go out with it, or buy themselves something fancy. Or maybe I'd suprise them buy randomly paying a bill or two for them. Then tell them not to worry about it. That'd be nice..

I feel like my safe haven would be in South Korea. I somewhat know the language from months of studying, and I have places and things in mind of what I want see.. It could be an experience that wouldchange me.. In a good way, I'm sure..

I don't know what it is that I need, but I just know that I need it..

I've been thinking about going to a church..I have so many bad thoughts throughout the day.. So I thought that maybe it would give me some type of peace of mind..But I wouldn't know where to go.. Or how to go about it.. I don't know..

I also thought that maybe being in college would give me the change that I needed..

Nope. Not it at all.

I don't know why I'm writing all this.. I don't know how any of this is relevant..I'm not too sure of anything right now..

I guess these are some of the random thoughts that screw with my head all day..